Sinners Have Souls Too

To: A Sinner Like Me

By: The Golden Child

Chapter 3: Spirituality and Spirits

Song: Boyfriend #2 – Pleasure P

Spirituality

(noun) – the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things

Spirits

(noun) – the non – physical part of a person which is the seat of emotions and character; the soul

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER BARES QUITE A BIT OF EXPLICIT/GRAPHIC/OBSCENE TRUTH

Having been molested at the age of 7 or 8, not knowing I wasn’t supposed to learn to like it….. I started having sex at an early age and baybeh… when I say I was a sneaky young heaux!! I was getting it in from about the 2^nd grade to the 6^th, like I was grown!! Every boy that I hunched or let hunch on me was presumably straight and very masculine presenting. The girls that I messed around with, but never had intercourse with were somewhat tomboyish, but still girls.

I took a break or sabbatical if you will after my aunt walked in my great grandparents house and threw STD pamphlets at me, when I was in the 6^th grade. My last time hunching was March 2000, I was 10 years old. There were others that tried. Twin brothers even tried to get me to go upstairs during service with them at church, but I wasn’t brazen or interested enough to let them touch me, especially not in the House of the Lord!!

My Junior year of high school, I met my first love. There was this sense of security that he provided and this stern, yet soft manner in which he spoke to and protected me. That situation was a mess, but I learned what love felt like from him and although we never did the do or even kissed, you can’t tell me that wasn’t true love. We went through waayyy too much in the 6 months that we were together and even more in the next few years after we broke up and tried staying in contact. #1.

There were others, but I didn’t take any of them serious. I graduated from high school, lying like hell lol, telling those that asked, that I was a (born again) virgin. (I kept the born again part to myself most of the time.)

My folks knew that I wasn’t straight growing up and in their own ways, they accepted it and loved me for me as best as they could. I was still a baby-faced, questionable to some, not really fooling others, homosexual black male code – switching my sexuality in the oppressed and closed – minded south of GA, so I kept it real cute and kept my business to myself; discretion is key. Being the “responsible’ one, my cousins couldn’t go if I didn’t go, so I got my first taste of the club life at the age of 12, after a Kirk Franklin concert at the Civic Center. Up until 2024, I had been clubbing faithfully and frequently for most of my life. It was a release.

January 2007, my favorite cousin passed.

April 2007, my favorite great aunt passed shortly after I’d left her to go pay a bill for her.

May 2007, I graduated high school on Saturday and started my first college class at 8 am that next Monday morning.

June 2007, my great grandfather passed. The only real father figure I’d had really known.

October 2007, my great – grandmother (my real mama/the woman that raised me) passed and all bets were off. I was hurt and alone more than anything afterwards.

First, I started smoking herb, knowing I have asthma, which doesn’t make sense, but eased the pain of losing the ones that I loved and loved me the most in the same year. Then, I started drinking and since alcoholism runs in my family/blood, I was drinking like a fish. Then came the clove cigars, for the times that I couldn’t smoke herb, and the sex. I was sneaking and geekin, but with protection bc I didn’t play that unless I saw same week, recent test results with one person because *Betty Wright voice* “It was good”! I maintained my standards and an heir of exclusivity about my ‘hunny pot’, bc not everyone could dip their stick no matter how many bills they paid, money they gave, titles, or time spent.   

Shortly after moving to Atlanta, at the age of 24, a few then friends and I were having “Cocktails and Conversations” and soul ties came up. I was asked about being so promiscuous and if I believed in soul ties. I had to let it be known that I didn’t feel that at that point in life, I was really promiscuous, because condoms were a requirement and I was rotating a couple of ‘old – faithfuls’. After some back and forth on the topic, I became even more selective with my ‘hunny pot’ and took another sabbatical.

(For context…. There was this saying amongst the group that we had all had bf #1 or our 1^st love/heartbreak. The second love/heartbreak would be practice for #3 or the true #1.)

I never took anyone serious enough to let them get close to breaking my heart, so it wasn’t until the age of 34, back living at home in Albany, that I said why not and entered a relationship with Boyfriend #2.

It was somebody that I should’ve never been messing with, so I was like what the hell, this heart break will be fun and get me to my one true love. *I must say be careful what you think/feel/speak or say, because it just might manifest in ways that you can’t handle.*

Baybeh… when I say that man took me up through there and my bored, goofy ass just going along for the ride, enjoying tf out of the roller coaster, replacing every red flag with a yellow bc I was bored and it was good.

Energy vampire

(noun) – a person who either intentionally or unintentionally, drains your emotional and psychological energy, leaving you feeling exhausted, stressed or negative during and after interacting with them.

Energy vampires charismatically mask their insecurities or neediness, tend to dominate conversations, act as victims or use guilt to “feed” your attention and care.

I was giving this man the playbook to my heart and he was doing the opposite of what I was telling him that he needed to do, every chance he got. I slowly started to pay attention to the happenings, words and signs from my angels, ancestors and Spirit Guide. He didn’t like that lol, so I kept quiet and played along as long as I could but, then enough got to be too much. All I remember him saying to me is, “but I will run a scam”. Baybeh!!! That energy vampire had me and the game all messed up!!! I had to reclaim my power!! One of my favorite colloquialisms when people think shit is sweet is “Ain’t no slick to a can of oil” and I’m the can of oil. I dropped that Uno Reverse, called Uno, back to me, so I dropped that ‘Draw 4’ and hit his ass with the Uno Out. TF. He was bewildered. Outdone like a mf. I told him everything I had been peeped, but kept to myself about with him from the day I met him to the then present and the Scammer didn’t like that he got scammed!!!

I was a bit naïve and ignorant at the time, not knowing that I was soul – tied to the piss po, shit’n ass – as my great grandma would say, ain’t wuffa damn scammer. I started feeling drained and negative all of the time for months, feeling like I was losing myself with each passing day.

Days before my 36^th bday, 2025, #2 ended up riding with me to Atlanta for some reason. We were kool on the way there and while there. It was my birthday, so I treated him to the things I was treating myself too because I was blessed to see 36, when the Doctor told me that I wouldn’t make it to see 21! We had the most in depth conversations, about soul – ties, ‘mirroring each other’s energy’, being composed of light and darkness, with the ability to choose the one you emit and our plans for the future. He said that I was the light to his darkness. How many of y’all know that the light can’t dwell in the same place as the darkness?! I guess he thought I didn’t…..

On the way back, the shit show began, when I tell you that man began playing in my energy. I held it together and played it cool until we were about 30 mins from his house and I showed my natural born ass lol, I showed that scammer that I’m not the 1, 2, or 3, that I’m heavily protected in the spiritual realm and he messed with the right one. He was flabbergasted and I was reveling in the triumph, but stupidly a little sad because the fun was over. Boyfriend #2.

My birthday was a self – care day, I’d gotten my hair braided, nails done and a fresh line up. (theme) After that ride back with him, I’d finally figured it out and felt like I knew what I needed to do…. Take me to the water. I hurriedly booked a hotel, so that I could go to the beach and talk to God. That Saturday after celebrating with my SisterCousins, I was on the road from Atlanta to the beach in Florida, solo. It was everything that I needed and more.

Being more religious than spiritual and embarking upon that spiritual journey to find God, it was everything that I needed and more. He redeemed me and gave me back my light!!! I began to look and feel like myself again. I knew that the soul – ties weren’t permanently broken, but it didn’t matter. I was me again, but better, redeemed.

When I got back home, cut my hair off to release the traumas and I started getting more into astrology and numerology, finding out things about myself. I was growing in my faith and as a person; healing.

Life was kool, then September 29, 2025, my first day, first five minutes on my new job and I didn’t understand it at the time, but I think that I’ve met #3, the one that I’ve been praying about/for all of my life; my HomieLuvrFrenHusband.

Soulmate

(noun) – a person, close friend or romantic partner, with whom one shares a profound, often life – altering an intensely strong bond, that can commonly be described as a deep, natural and harmonious connection – based on mutual understanding and acceptance.

Twin Flame

(noun) – a mirror soul or an intense soul connection, believed to be one soul split into two bodies, functioning as each other’s other half

(verb) – involves two people who share the same soul, believed to reincarnate together, often returning from past lives to complete lessons, settle karma or support each other’s spiritual evolution; once these twin flames meet, this results in an intense, magnetic attraction and connection. These two share similar past experiences and trauma.

Nothing about my attraction to this man was physical. Yes, he’s my type for the most part (with 3, 4, 5 too many kids lol jp), but it was so unreal to me, how I was magnetically attracted to him. I literally saw his orangey – yellow aura the very first time that I laid eyes on him, it was like this glow around him. I always wonder if he may have felt it too bc he was super awkward with me for the first 3 – 4 weeks that I worked there.

One of the co – workers was planning to propose to her partner at the time and we were standing there talking about it. She asked him how would he propose and baybeh!!!!! When I say that his plan spoke to all of my love languages (all of them, even shit talking) in the most beautiful and perfect way. It was as if he knew me too well, that answer/reply was curated in the way that I’ve always wanted to be proposed too, if it is to ever happen. Then he ruined it for me and reiterated that it would be to a female as if I spoke when he was around or had said anything while they were talking, I was just standing there. As usual.

It took my three months to figure out if I liked him fr or not and I had to consult my Spirit Guide for that. I was being a tad messy bc I had already consulted my Spirit Guide and received confirmation, but one of his friends that worked that reads tarot cards, so I asked her for a reading. One question…. Is the person on my mind, the person that I’m destined to be with, a similar question to that which I asked my Spirit Guide… the answer yes. I instantly got the hush mouth and had to take a seat because that was two confirmations and one from his friend. She said “Good luck honey” and walked out as I sat there bewildered lol

I tried or think I played it kool and tried my hardest not to show that I potentially liked that man bc we worked together and I didn’t even understand the way that I felt for/about him.  As time progressed, we became kool and because I had received both confirmations, I was coming around to the notion of entertaining him.

I have an immense fear of heights, even though I’m 6’3”. My thing is I’m up high enough. This particular day, I was a good 30 feet in front of him, I heard the door close and before I knew it, it was as if he floated and we were walking in sync, damn near touching we were so close to each other, in the middle of the hallway. I asked him if he is afraid of heights, he turned and looked at me with the biggest cheshire cat grin on his face and said “no, what’s up?”, idk what he was thinking I was asking or why, but I asked him if he would replace the curtains in my office, that sat there until the day I packed up my office. When I say I wiped the smile off of his face soooo quick and didn’t mean too. I was legit asking because I have an immense fear of heights and he was the ‘facilities’ person. Lol That’s still funny as I type this.

I started to think that maybe he may have had some of the same feelings that I did after that. I started to hate going to work because of him. We were actually starting to get kool, yet it was like he was sneaking and geeking his kool with me and after 5 months had never maintained a steady energy as it pertained to me. Being that discretion is key, if we were doing something, it wouldn’t have been a problem. Because I still hadn’t even made up my mind if I really liked him or not, the sneaking and geeking laughs w/ me was a violation.

Being the intuitive, gifted Cancer that I am, I can tell when ppl are or have talked about me. Energy shifts and closed mouths say a lot. I’d asked that man on three separate occasions, months apart, if we could have a private, real conversation and the response was also on some pacify bs. I wasn’t trying to rush him, or make him uncomfortable, simply find common ground/understanding as we had never really had a real conversation and it was just this magnetic, attraction or feeling between us.

I’d always been a firm believer in not praying for a man, due to my conflicting, perplexing beliefs, as it pertains to God and my fluid sexuality. I found myself going from praying about the situation with him to actually praying for him. I was praying for him as much, if not more than I was praying for myself at one point.

It was the way he started to stutter or stumble over his words while talking, when I would look up and lock eyes with him. Most days and times, he’d be the only one to speak or speak back to me, even as he was huddled up with his crew.

I have this thing about not being touched, I don’t like being touched, even when I know it’s coming. Funny, I know. I’m not sure if it’s thankfully or what, but we never actually shook hands or touched each other. The one or two times that we had the opportunity to shake hands, it was a side fist bump. Awkward as hell lol

Anyway, one day I saw him and he was FINNNEEEE AFFF to me, in some if I’m not mistaken D&G frames, something that had never happened before. We were coming around the same corner in opposite directions at the same time and I slipped and said “fine ass” aloud and didn’t give not fuck the first if he or anybody else heard me. Then the next day, I saw him walk by and I scowled. In that one week, I’d cried praying over than man and his life 3 times. I don’t like crying and I don’t pray for men, especially ones that I don’t mess with.

Being the aggressive me that I can sometimes be, I asked how can we find a steady energy as it pertains to me. I was ignored, which made it worse. Over the course of that weekend, I unloaded the clip on his ass and said some of everything that I probably didn’t need to say, but everything said was rooted in fact. The primary response that I got from him was that he made it clear who he is from day 1. Sir! To who? You talked at me, through other people from day 1 until the end of month 1, so how was anything made clear?! One of my life lessons is choosing me and putting me first. Another one of my life lessons is to not settle. I was told that I was disgusting and everything that I said was either ignored or contradicted without being fully addressed, so I resigned and cleaned out my office first thing that Monday morning and ironically, he came in after I left lol. I actually liked that lil’ job, aside from having to continuously figure out how to navigate him and his varying energies, but I had to choose me. *Yvette voice* “I gotta put me first, Jody”. Lol #3

After resigning, I quickly forgot about him and made myself stop thinking about him. Fast forward and rewind lol to May 5, 2026. The 5/5 portal. Before I went to sleep that night, I answered the question, “What version of me is ready to step through the 5/5 portal?”. I started back thinking about #3 the next day, randomly, out of nowhere. That’s also when #2 started back playing in my energy unbeknownst to me. It took me a few days and a conversation with my Spirit Twinnnn, my cousin to figure out what was going on. It was after that conversation with her that I was able to understand why I had been feeling the way that I was feeling out of nowhere, so I texted him and told him to cut it out lol in so many words to reclaim my energy until I could cut the soul tie.

Fast forward to Sunday night and I did a cleanse to rid myself of all soul ties and negative energies sent towards me. I most definitely feel much lighter, as if it worked. Now, I just want the energy vampire to stop playing on my phone, because I don’t want to change my number. (He doesn’t call me himself, he signs up for job alerts with the name Georgia and my phone number.) I really want him to stop though, because I know of a site that won’t stop calling, texting, emailing simultaneously and he would have no other choice, but to change his number if he can get the messages to stop long enough to do so. Being intentional and intentionally positive with my time and energy, I’m trying my best not too, but he has been warned. I’d hate for him to have to learn another lesson about playing with me the hard one, but my extension of grace is being drained.

Almost immediately after getting in the bed from doing the cleanse on Sunday night, to remove the soul ties and negative connections, I started seeing videos that resonate with #3. I’ve even dreamed about him a couple of times. I just experienced an intense chill thinking about him (#3).

I’d always said that my life is a dream deferred…

In learning to be patient…. I’m keeping my hands out of it and patiently waiting to see how this story plays out. Months later, I can admit/say that I was so bothered by his presence, lack of communication, uncertainty, inaction and people pleasing, because I wasn’t healed enough to know or understand the things that he was dealing with and I allowed my emotions to take control of the situation, which prompted me saying something to him and resigning, but I legit couldn’t bare being in his presence and not being able to at least pick up a constant energy from him, whether I wanted too or not. I can also say/admit that I see him for who he is, portrays himself to be and hides from the world and I (foolishly and possibly delusionally) love each and every facet of him.

He makes/made my heart and spirit feel light, a child – like, playful innocence. Only needing me to complete me, I always envisioned/felt us complementing each other; hence the magnetic attraction. I noticed myself praying for/over him and his healing a few times since 5/6. However the story unfolds and even if we aren’t aligned, I wish him the best and that he be in alignment with whatever blessings he is to receive.